The holidays are such a joyful time—the anticipation of spending time with those we love, eating a hot meal together. But with the holidays also comes pressure: expectations, anxiety. 

Did I get enough gifts? The right ones? Will they fit? Will they like them—and is everything even? 

I’ve talked with a lot of moms about this, wondering if they do the same thing I do—trying to balance not just the number of gifts but also their cost. 

“Impossible,” one of my friends said. “How can you do that when one person asks for a big gift?” But every year I’ve done it. I make lists of each child’s presents, writing down the cost of every item. I shop until the last minute, making sure everything feels balanced—an impossible feat I’ve somehow pulled off for years. 

I always try to make Christmas special—a time when they can all be spoiled. Somewhere along the way, I connected the amount and cost of gifts with them knowing they are enough, worthy, special. 

Maybe I am trying to give them something I didn’t have as a child. The quiet certainty that they matter.

The kids are all adults now, and I find myself wondering how long I can keep this up—how long should I keep this up? The older they get, the more I realize they aren’t keeping track the way I have. Sure, they’d notice if one person got an iPhone and another got a hoodie—but really, it’s me who puts this enormous pressure on myself. 

That pressure takes some of the joy out of it. 

It’s everywhere—subtle reminders, quiet comparisons, the sense that there’s always one more thing to buy—but it still feels like something I’m choosing to carry.

Even when I have everything lined up perfectly, I still worry I didn’t do enough or didn’t get it right. It’s a quiet anxiety that hums beneath what should feel simple.

This year, I’m trying to let myself off the hook. I still have a list, and I am still trying to aim for balance—but I’m doing it with the understanding that my children want the same thing as I do: family bonding, connection, time together.

I’m releasing the idea of getting things “just right.” This feels closer to what the holidays are meant to be for us.  

By Eve M.

The Moment I Knew I Needed a Break

About a year ago, I disappeared from the internet. I had been on such a roll—posting daily positive quotes to Instagram and Facebook, sharing poems, and opening up about personal struggles. I don’t have a huge following, but I was looking to grow. To do that, I thought I needed to like, comment, and follow every person who followed me or engaged with my content.

Then one day, I found myself staring at my phone, heart pounding, scrolling through notifications and feeling completely drained. A simple comment from someone—just a kind word—felt like an obligation. I have to respond. I have to support them back. I have to keep up.

That was the moment I knew I needed a break.

Social Media and the Illusion of Perfection

Online, people only share the happiest, most perfect parts of their lives. It sets impossible standards, making it easy to feel like you’re never doing enough.

Keeping up became exhausting. The guilt of falling behind overwhelmed me. I also started questioning: Are people following me because they genuinely like my content, or do they just want a follow back? These thoughts plagued me daily. When I couldn’t keep up, I stepped away completely.

Realizing the Deeper Pattern

Stepping back made me realize that I do this in other areas of my life too. I set extreme expectations for myself, and when I can’t meet them, I feel like I’ve failed. Much of that guilt comes from the pressure I think others place on me—but in reality, it’s my own mind creating unrealistic demands.

Recently, I joined an online writing workshop and came across a post from someone expressing this same struggle—the pressure of not being able to keep up. But it wasn’t their post that changed my perspective; it was a response that read:

“Do what you can. The messages you are meant to see will be seen. Let go of the rest.”

It was so simple, yet before, I couldn’t allow myself to do that. Instead, I did what I do best—the way I’ve survived most of my life—I hid. If I couldn’t meet the standards I believed I should be able to, then I had failed. At least, that’s what I told myself.

A New Way Forward

But now, I’m choosing a different approach.

My advice? Don’t take things personally, and don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself. Let go of the idea that you have to keep up. Show up in the way that feels right for you. That’s enough.